On Teaching Independence

What to say, what to say.....there are so many things that young parents need to know. I have been pondering what is the most important thing a parent should teach their child. I would hope we all know that leading them to a personal relationship with the Lord would be foremost. That should be a given, but after that, what would be next. My sweet DIL (well, actually, she is Whitney's SIL so we just made her my DIL since her husband's parents are both deceased) has been going through a major ordeal in her house in the recent past - her precious angel could not go to sleep on his own. He preferred to have his mother or father rock him to sleep no matter how many times he would wake up at night. Not good for the parents or the child. Now look at this face......

How could you not get up 10 times a night to rock him back to sleep!  He is absolutely the most adorable thing!  And that brought me to this blog.....what is the most important thing a parent has to teach his child.

One thing would be independence.  In this case, this adorable little boy needed to learn independence with his sleeping habits.  As the mother so well put it, he had never had the opportunity to go to sleep by himself, so therefore, he didn't know how.  They had to let him cry for a few minutes one night and then he slept all night by himself for the first time in 10 months.  The second night the crying only lasted one minute and he slept all night.  I have to say with Whitney, it wasn't quite that easy.  It only took two nights, but we had crying to the point of throwing up to deal with.  She was 14 months and REALLY spoiled to the rocking chair! ha  With both children, it was one of their first lessons in independence.

Why did it take my DIL 10 months and me 14 months of enduring no sleep to let our children learn this lesson?  Because we love our children so much and didn't want them to have to be without any of their "needs"?  Because their need for being held filled our need to nurture?  Because in our minds we were not being good parents if our child were upset?  All of the above and more I am sure.  The fact is, it doesn't hurt our children to cry when there isn't a real problem and as I had to learn, it doesn't hurt to let them cry until they throw up.  They can only do it twice.  ha  Sleeping at night without being rocked and cuddled is the first step to independence. 

So many of us think it is our duty to give our children all of their hearts desires.  When we do this, they do not learn independence - they learn to rely on others for all their needs.  They do not learn patience - they learn that whenever they want something, they should get it now and never have to wait until they can work for it, afford it, deserve it.  They don't learn the value of things because they never had to earn it.  They don't learn the concept of sharing because they always had their own.  

So the hard lesson for parents is that we are to be PARENTS.  It is our job to raise strong, healthy, independent children physically, emotionally and mentally and in order to do this, we have to know when to stand strong so our child can learn a lesson on their own and when to be there so they can fall into our arms.  There is a fine line between the two.  For me, it was much harder to let her learn the lesson "on her own".  I had the "falling into my arms" come naturally! ha  It is hard to see our children unhappy, suffering, discouraged, failing, struggling, crying. But what can they learn if we are always there to rock them?  It is through our struggles that we grow to mature adults and grow close to the Lord.  It is where we learn life's lessons. 

There is not one most important thing we can teach our children, but a lifetime of things.  We don't need a lesson on love because that comes natural for parents.  We would lay down our lives for our children.  We need lessons on teaching independence, on letting our children fail and take responsibility for their actions, on helping them to make right decisions all through life, on being protective, but not over protective.  Stand in the background so they know when they really need you, you are there, but let them learn life in their own way.  Remind them that life's path is straight and narrow and they may have to walk alone at times or in this case, sleep alone at times.  Much of the wisdom we gain in life comes from parenting.  It keeps us close to the Lord and seeking His wisdom for directing our children's paths. What a blessing it is to be parents.  Keep up the faith and have a ....

Blessed day.

On Being Prepared

This weekend we experienced some bad storms around our area of the woods as you can see from the picture I took out our living room window.  On Sunday evening, it got bad enough for us to start moving a few things into our storm room as a precaution.  When we built our home, we were fortunate enough to be able to add a real storm room in the house.  It is used daily as our food and dish pantry.

As you can see from this photo, it has rather thick walls.  They are made from cinder blocks, filled with rebar and concrete, much like a bank vault.  Even has a concrete ceiling that is actually tied to the foundation.  It was designed by Texas Tech and we have built quite a few of these in homes over the years.  Out of the 7 years we have lived in this house, we haven't even averaged once a year on going in thinking we might be glad we had this room, but the few times we have used it, it sure made me feel safer than without the room.

The main reason for this blog is to get your minds to thinking about what you would take should you have to vacate your home suddenly.  That favorite stuffed animal or blanket your child has to have to sleep!  Your wedding rings or other special jewelry, old pictures (not all of them, but the favorites), documents, keys, passwords to computer, combinations to safes, medicines, whatever you and your family deem as important.  What did I put in the safe room last night?  First was my I-Pad and second was my I-Phone.  I know that is kind of sad isn't it, but they are very important to me and contain a lot of valuable info on both.  Next was make-up and some hair products - mainly because they are so expensive to replace and one of the first things I would need the next morning should a disaster ever occur.  (We weren't in a huge hurry to get to safety either! ha)  Gary suggested I put in a coat for us since we would be wet and cold if the house blew away and I took our NOAA radio in the room.  I did grab the "key" to my drafting program so I would be able to work.  I could reload all programs on a new computer, but without the "key", I would be unable to draw houses.  No, I didn't unhook the computer and take in there because I have everything saved on Carbonite, an outside service that does the saving for me without me even thinking about it.  Gary made sure the flash light was working and brought in fire power.  I know this is a sad commentary on what we thought was important and that is my point totally!

Let me suggest you type a list of what you would want to "grab" in a hurry should the need arise.  List them in order of importance in case you can't save everything on the list.  Think about what you would put these items in whether it be a tote, a bag, a luggage, a crate (let's not get carried away here).  Put the list inside this bag so you will have it at your finger tips and place the bag in a place where it would be easy for you to get.  Hopefully, this is something you will prepare for and never need!  But just in case you do, you will have it.

Another suggestion would be for those of you with children, go over the routine of how to escape from the home in case of a fire.  For older children, discuss where you would meet them in case an emergency happened and you were not at the same location.  Buy a NOAA radio and keep fresh batteries in the case (not in the radio since they will corrode over time).  I suggest buying one that you can crank in case the batteries fail.  You might want to keep it in your bag at all times.  You might also want to consider saving your important documents and pictures on an external drive that you could keep in the bag.  A gun safe works wonders for storing important papers, pictures, etc.  Should your house ever catch on fire, have the fire fighters keep a hose going on the safe.  The things may get smoke damage and some heat damage, but they probably will be worth saving.

Hope this has prompted your brain to working and thinking of precautionary steps you need to take to save things that are important to you should the need arise in a hurry.  Thinking ahead could save you lots of sadness later.  This certainly isn't an exhaustive list, only one to start your mind in the right direction.  And remember, material things are just that - material.  They can be replaced and a whole lot of them, you would probably never replace.  Saving your life is the most important thing. 

Have a Blessed Day!

On Being Subtle

"Ol' Gair"......I can hear Katie, Amy or Whitney saying that right now.  I have a funny about Gary that you gals will appreciate.  Most of you who follow my blog remember all those weekends at the lake where Gary could be comical - like standing in the boat dancing to "Who Let the Dogs Out" or singing "I'll be gone til November..."  or quoting his favorite line from "Pink Panther" - "Does your dog bite?  That's not my dog".  You girls would endure anything just to get to be on the lake looking for Mr. Right.  Isn't that the truth?  ha 

Most of you never have been in the truck with him while he is driving though.  He has a terrible habit of not holding his foot steadily on the gas pedal.  He presses in, lets off, presses in, lets off, presses in.....you get the point.  I attribute this to his career of being what the guys call him, "a drive by builder."  He does most of his driving in the city where he has to let off on the gas pedal a lot.  This action will make the strongest stomach queasy.  Even when you talk him into using the cruise control, he reverts back to using his foot. 

Well a couple of weeks ago, we went to eat fish about 20 minutes away from T-town.  We had another couple in the car and coming back, Gary's very close friend was riding up front with him and he calmly said, "You could use your cruise control."  I cracked up laughing.  The conversation started about how he always drives like that.  Gary's come back after we discussed his bad habit was "You sound like my wife. She b*tchs about my driving all the time."  Of course, I had to defend myself, so I made the remark that I tried to be nice about it and not complain in a rude manner.  Gary's reply was, "Ok, you are a subtle b*tch."  We all had a great laugh.

That weekend we were with Whitney and Matt and I was telling them our story.  Matt said, "Boy, I bet that made you really mad."  I told him that was not the case at all.  We all laughed about it and that is the point of this blog - to let you young couples know not to take things so serious.

Gary and I have been married over 30 years now.  I know his heart.  He didn't say that out of anger.  I have learned over the years that he doesn't like me telling him what to do or how to do it, but sometimes a woman has to do what a woman has to do.  You know the saying, "Behind every great man is a woman pushing."  If we are to train them to be good husbands, we have to subtly let them know how they can improve.  Do NOT nag.  Talk in your sweetest voice when you want to be subtle.  Tell them in that sweet tone that you aren't saying this to be b*tchy, BUT.......  Or, say, darling, would you like to...... (maybe it could be put the cruise control on or whatever you want to complete that sentence.)  Are they going to take this with a smile?  NO, but it won't be as bad as if you sounded like a total nag.  They WILL at least know you aren't mad at them and even if they snap back, they might think next time. 

You know, none of us are perfect.  We all have our quirks, bad habits, things that pester the fool out of our spouse.  Sometimes we don't even realize what we do bothers the other person.  Life can be short.  Don't let the little things cause you to give up, get mad, ruin your relationship, ruin a day together, break up a marriage.  Find ways to work through the tough times.  Talk about it, but be SUBTLE! :)

To quote Gary, "There was only one perfect man and we crucified Him."  Life is not perfect.  It is how you work through it that speaks volumes about your character.  Eventually, if you work hard at your marriage, you too will get to a point that when your spouse says something like that to you, you will laugh and not feel so threatened.



Have a Blessed day!

Radical Concept

It has been awhile since I have posted.  I seem to be seeing that statement on a lot of blogs that I follow.  I think we read them from our iphones on Google Reader and since we aren't on the computer as much, we tend to let the days slip by without posting.  At least that is my theory.  ha  But, I have just finished reading a small book that has really prompted a lot of thinking on my part.  Not something that one would normally think about reading.  Many of you have read the book, "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper.  Wonderful book about a man who was involved in a car accident, died, went to heaven for 90 minutes and then was revived to come back and tell his story.  If you haven't read it, you should.

My 82 year old mother was in Walmart looking at the books and bought one even more interesting - "23 Minutes in Hell" by Bill Wiese.  Hell is not something we sit around talking about.  Some may not even believe it really exists.  Ministers don't mention it in the pulpit for fear of offending some of the members.  Not a pleasant thought.  Don't think I have ever read a blog that talked about hell.  Just not a popular talking point.  We like to think that if there is a God, why would he want us to go to hell?  He is a loving God afterall.  Sure we might send murderers, thieves, molesters there but not us, because we are good.  That is what prompted this blog.  The writer gave an example of being good that spoke miles to me.  Here it is....

"A girl was looking at a beautiful hillside covered with lush, green grass.  She noticed a herd of sheep standing on the hill.  They looked so white and clean, especially against the dark green grass.  The girl went to bed, and the next morning she walked outside to look at the sheep.  However, it had snowed all night.  The sheep were still there, but now, against the unblemished white snow, they looked dingy, even dirty.  In the same way, our "goodness" when compared to God's standard for "good" falls far, far short."

None of us deserve salvation, but because of Jesus, our sins can be covered by His blood and we can become white as snow, if we only ask Him to take control of our lives.  Yes, I believe in a literal hell - one with a bottomless pit full of non-consuming fire.  I understand that is radical thinking for some of you.  God wishes for none to go there.  He even sent His own Son so that you and I wouldn't have to go there.  All we have to do is to accept Him into our heart.  The time is now. 

Have a Blessed Day!

Not Last This Time

I know you all read about me being last at Nacho Club to have an i-phone.  I absolutely love it!  It seemed a little large to me after carrying a Razor for so many years.  Well no longer can you call me last.  This past week I ordered me this......

The I-Pad!

I LOVE IT!!!!

Since it has been so hot, Gary has been staying in the house a lot in the evenings.  Normally, he goes to his barn and tinkers with either his radio controlled air planes or his old cars and I have peace and quite in the house.  I can leave the television turned off if I want to (which is normally the case) and read or play on the laptop.  When he stays inside, the laptop is not available to me.  He researchs any and everything.  When we are watching something on tv and we wonder how old someone is, he googles it.  When we are on HGTV, he googles whether the guys are gay or not.  That totally makes me mad at him.  ha  Whatever crosses his mind, he googles it and finds the answer.  If only we could retain all this wonderful info, we could be super smart! ha  If he isn't googling, he is talking on one of his radio control websites to all the other pilots he has met over the years.  There is something on the computer to keep him busy all night.

Then I had this other "problem".  I got addicted to Words with Friends and do you know how small those letters get on an i-phone when your eyes are tired?  And when you have 6-8 games going, there is always someone to play with.  So, after asking Whitney several questions about what the I-Pad will or will not do, I broke down and ordered one.  Let me just tell you, it is the answer to all my problems! ha

If you are thinking or considering or have never thought about ordering one until you read this, let me give you one suggestion.  Step up and order the one that comes with 3G capabilities.  I debated and after discussing this with Gary, we thought it would be better to have it and never want it, than to not have it and decide we need it.  You don't have to take out the plan with AT&T unless you decide you want to and even then, you don't have to sign a contract.  We have wireless in our home, so we haven't signed on to a plan, but I can see if we travel, we would want to get the 3G for sure.  There is even an APP for Craig's List and Pottery Barn! ha  And they are large enough to actually see the items listed.  And the most wonderful thing for me is pre-ordering the books from my favorite authors and being able to read them on the I-Pad in the dark if I want to.  They will notify you when a new book is coming out by your favorite authors.  No more having to stalk Sam's Wholesale Club making sure you don't miss one.  And, the most expensive book I have seen is $12.99.  Much cheaper than the stores. 

The only down side I have noticed is that you can't text like on the I-Phone.  Well, you can through gmail or AIM, but not real texting as we are all addicted to.  So at night now, when you think of me (I know you do all the time - or at least ocassionally), you can picture me on the couch in our living room with I-Pad in lap and I-Phone on the arm of the couch.  I AM CONNECTED!

Have a Blessed Day!

Moms and Their Babies

This is the time of the year that mothers cry.  At least it is the time of the year that I used to cry when Whitney was going back to school.  After all, the teacher was going to have more waking hours with my daughter than I would.  What if the teacher was not really "called" to be a teacher?  What if the teacher was a screamer?  That would make me cringe!  What if the teacher was lazy and didn't challenge my child?  That would make me cringe even more!  What if the teacher wasn't loving?  There were so many unanswered questions when school was starting and kindergarten was the absolute worse year for all of those anxious thoughts.  However, I did cry on the first day for each year of elementary school I think.  We had a group of moms that would get together for lunch or breakfast to try and console each other, but that really didn't help because we were all down.  Maybe it was losing control that was the root of this.  Or maybe just the fact that our baby was growing up.  It is just a fact of life that it is a sad day for most moms.  I found a few pictures that brought back memories.

Her class picture from kindergarten.  Missing a few teeth I see.

Whitney's kindergarten graduation.  Oh how precious was Mrs Logan!!!!!!  I had nothing to worry about with Whitney spending more time with that lady than with me.  She was a wonderful influence and we loved her so much!  We loved her all the way through high school!  The Logan's were such a big part of Pleasant Grove Schools.  They are truly missed by all who knew Alice and Clarence.

This picture is not from kindergarten but I couldn't resist adding it.  She was artist of the day.  And those glasses!  One theme runs in all of these pictures.....big bows were in!  And we had one for every outfit.  :)
Our school experience was wonderful and I really had no reason to cry. 

Today I find myself teary eyed again.  Whitney is back in kindergarten, but this time, she is the teacher.  She has worked all summer on getting her classroom to be the best it can be.  We have scrounged, begged, crafted and out right bought all sorts of things to make this year a wonderful year for the students she will have.  When she posted pictures on Facebook last night, they brought tears to my eyes.  This time because I know how hard she has worked and I realize how Blessed her students are going to be to have Mrs. Kelly as their teacher.

Sorry, this is so blurred, but it is a glimpse of all the specialness that she has added to this room.  I am sure most of you have seen the better pictures on her Facebook page.  So glad she has gotten her master's and started teaching kids how much fun it can be to read and write and do arithmetic! ha  Kindergarten sets the pace for the next 12 years.  I think these 16 kids will have a postive experience with a teacher that will love them close to as much as their parents do.  We are proud of you!  I will also be remembering all you moms out there that will be shedding those tears in the next week.  You will finally grow to long for that day!

Have a Blessed day and school year!

Motherly Advice

No, I am NOT announcing that I will be a grand mother.....but that would be a cute way to do it! ha  I am here to give you some motherly advice.  If you don't follow this advice, you may turn this adorable crying child into this.....

A spoiled brat!

And we certainly don't want to live with that or be around that type of child.  What is my advice?  Very simple.  Do NOT promise your child a treat for every time you leave them with a baby sitter or for every time you take them to a store and they are well behaved.  Why do we always feel the need to reward good behavior?  What ever happened to expecting good behavior as the norm and punishing when there isn't good behavior?  You might say accentuate the positive.....well I say, that is spoiling a child for something they should be doing anyway.  We need to teach our children that polite, mannerly behavior is expected  - not rewarded - and bad behavior will not be tolerated.  Crying and making a scene will not get the child anywhere unless it is to time out.  Treats started out as something to give on special occasions.  We have taken that way too far.

Along this line is another bad thing we are doing these days......we are making our children think they are all winners.  There are no losers in life.  That is not true.  There ARE losers in life.  Only those that work hard and achieve are winners.  Don't give every child a trophy.  Let there be winners and losers.  Teach your child how to lose gracefully.  When they grow up, there will not be anyone there telling them they are winning even when their performance at work is less than acceptable.  Teach them the hard lessons in life in small doses as children.  Give them a reason to strive to be successful. 

The hardest thing in life is to be a parent to your children and not just their friend.  They are precious little angels and you cannot give them enough love and attention, but it needs to be balanced with reality.  Always count to 10 before you speak out in anger or hand out punishment.  And, never have punishment that punishes the entire family or punishment that you really can't follow through on because it is too tough.  Think before you speak and speak in a calm, loving manner when correcting.  Oh, and never ever spank a child with your hand.  The child will relate the punishment to the parent.  Use a wooden spoon if you have to spank.  There will probably be very few times in life you would ever have to use it.

Don't ask me why I chose this topic.  Maybe working in Whitney's classroom getting it all ready for these little angels, might have tilted my brain in this direction.  ha  Or, maybe the Lord knew someone needed this.

Have a Blessed day!