Tuesday, October 19, 2010

On Being Subtle

"Ol' Gair"......I can hear Katie, Amy or Whitney saying that right now.  I have a funny about Gary that you gals will appreciate.  Most of you who follow my blog remember all those weekends at the lake where Gary could be comical - like standing in the boat dancing to "Who Let the Dogs Out" or singing "I'll be gone til November..."  or quoting his favorite line from "Pink Panther" - "Does your dog bite?  That's not my dog".  You girls would endure anything just to get to be on the lake looking for Mr. Right.  Isn't that the truth?  ha 

Most of you never have been in the truck with him while he is driving though.  He has a terrible habit of not holding his foot steadily on the gas pedal.  He presses in, lets off, presses in, lets off, presses in.....you get the point.  I attribute this to his career of being what the guys call him, "a drive by builder."  He does most of his driving in the city where he has to let off on the gas pedal a lot.  This action will make the strongest stomach queasy.  Even when you talk him into using the cruise control, he reverts back to using his foot. 

Well a couple of weeks ago, we went to eat fish about 20 minutes away from T-town.  We had another couple in the car and coming back, Gary's very close friend was riding up front with him and he calmly said, "You could use your cruise control."  I cracked up laughing.  The conversation started about how he always drives like that.  Gary's come back after we discussed his bad habit was "You sound like my wife. She b*tchs about my driving all the time."  Of course, I had to defend myself, so I made the remark that I tried to be nice about it and not complain in a rude manner.  Gary's reply was, "Ok, you are a subtle b*tch."  We all had a great laugh.

That weekend we were with Whitney and Matt and I was telling them our story.  Matt said, "Boy, I bet that made you really mad."  I told him that was not the case at all.  We all laughed about it and that is the point of this blog - to let you young couples know not to take things so serious.

Gary and I have been married over 30 years now.  I know his heart.  He didn't say that out of anger.  I have learned over the years that he doesn't like me telling him what to do or how to do it, but sometimes a woman has to do what a woman has to do.  You know the saying, "Behind every great man is a woman pushing."  If we are to train them to be good husbands, we have to subtly let them know how they can improve.  Do NOT nag.  Talk in your sweetest voice when you want to be subtle.  Tell them in that sweet tone that you aren't saying this to be b*tchy, BUT.......  Or, say, darling, would you like to...... (maybe it could be put the cruise control on or whatever you want to complete that sentence.)  Are they going to take this with a smile?  NO, but it won't be as bad as if you sounded like a total nag.  They WILL at least know you aren't mad at them and even if they snap back, they might think next time. 

You know, none of us are perfect.  We all have our quirks, bad habits, things that pester the fool out of our spouse.  Sometimes we don't even realize what we do bothers the other person.  Life can be short.  Don't let the little things cause you to give up, get mad, ruin your relationship, ruin a day together, break up a marriage.  Find ways to work through the tough times.  Talk about it, but be SUBTLE! :)

To quote Gary, "There was only one perfect man and we crucified Him."  Life is not perfect.  It is how you work through it that speaks volumes about your character.  Eventually, if you work hard at your marriage, you too will get to a point that when your spouse says something like that to you, you will laugh and not feel so threatened.

Have a Blessed day!


  1. Well, first, remind me not to ride with Gary because I would surely throw up... but I have to say that this post should be required reading for every young couple you know! None of us stayed married all these years because we were both so perfect but rather loved each other through our imperfections by being "subtle"! :)

  2. I can hear Mr. Gary right now singing "who let the dogs out" and dancing on the boat with his hat on backwards! I'm pretty sure all of us thought it was hilarious but rolled our eyes like teenagers anyway. :)
    I've gotten to where when Scott is doing something that bugs me I'll count and let him do it five times before I say something. Like singing the exact same line to a song several times in a matter of minutes, taking the lid off the coke bottle taking a sip, screwing the lid back on, hand back on the wheel, then literally 5 seconds later, repeats! Telling me "how to drive". I've learned to try to be patient and tell him nicely, you are on my nerves. We don't have a problem telling eachother when we're on eachothers nerves and laugh about it.. most of the time! I'm slowly trying "not to nag". :)

  3. OMG I know people that drive like that!!! Natalie James for one.. shhhh! I can also hear Ol' Gair singing "who let the dogs out!" and saying "mar-uh-lena"! good times, and very funny story!!