Thursday, May 13, 2010

All About Reactions

Came across a very interesting way to handle obstinate husbands today! haha  Maybe you young gals don't have those, but we older women all agree that we do! ha  I was reading another great book.....I hope you don't get tired of me telling you lessons I learn from good novels....and I read something that I have to share with you. 
This book is by an author I have written about before in another blog, Debbie Macomber.  Her newest book is "Hannah's List". A great book and an easy read.  It wasn't until almost the end of the book that I really got enlightened on how to deal with conflict in marriages and relationships.  Two of the characters in the book really love each other, but they can't stand to be around each other because it always turns into an argument.  Now, I know this never happens in your marriage, but SHOULD it ever happen, I want you to think about using this technique to work through your problems.  :) 
Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle from top to bottom.  On the left side, list all the things that totally make you mad about your significant other.  The girl in the story listed when her boyfriend came home from a bad day at work, he was moody and took it out on her; when she cooked him a great meal, he always stood up to eat it - never sat down to savor the meal (he was a chef); he was an untidy person and then accuses her of hiding his things; and, he thought he was a better chef than she was.  You get the idea.  Be very honest with yourself about this.
Then you would think on the right hand side of the paper you would list the things about him that you love - WRONG!  There might not be many things you can think of after making that list! ha  So, on the right hand side of the paper, list how you respond or react to each thing on the left hand side of the paper.  When he comes in moody and gripes, she argues back at him and they fight because she doesn't deserve how he treats her; when he won't sit down to eat, she insists that he does, and they fight; etc, etc.
As the character reads the list and how she reacts, she realizes that she was a part of the problem as much as the boyfriend.  The one helping her to see this about herself tells of how her husband responded when she came home all upset and ranting and raving.  He would calmly listen to her problems and when she was done, he would wrap his arms around her, give her a big hug and tell her how much he loved her.  This only happened after the husband made his own list and they worked through the things that upset them about each other.  It is all about REACTION.  If your husband comes home tired and grouchy, remember he loves you and is needing your love right then.  He isn't needing someone to fight with.  Listen to his complaints, wrap your arms around him and tell him you love him and he is wonderful.  WOW!  That could change the whole evening.  Even if he doesn't want to make his own list, start with yours and change your reactions.  That might eliminate the length of his list one day! ha 
I wish I had someone to tell me stuff like this when I was younger - not that Gary would ever cause me any grief! LOL  Gary's favorite line is none of us are perfect - there was only One perfect person, and we crucified Him.  Truer words were never spoken.
Have a Blessed Day!


  1. You would be happy to know that my husband was happy when he came home. Especially because I was ironing his work pants! You know that makes him happy, ha.

  2. what an informative post! i'm the ranter and raver in this family and larry usually just sits there; once i'm done, he asks if i feel better and that's that! it's impossible to have a fight if no one will fight with you! thanks for sharing.