I am not exactly the best at getting my mammograms done in a timely fashion. One year suddenly is two or three and then I decide I must go. This time and the last time also, I got called back in for a second look. This time, it was inconclusive after 7 films and an ultrasound, so I was on my way to UAMS in Little Rock to try and get a conclusion with a MRI. Now that was an experience! But that isn't my story. My story is about all the days between all the procedures.
From the first mammogram to the second one was a wait of over two weeks. During this time, I got aggravated having to wait so long and decided I was going to tell the radiologist about it. (He is a friend.) That is a long time for someone not to know if they are sick or not. However, as I was sitting in the waiting room waiting on the second one, I realized if they did it all in one day, you wouldn't have time to reflect and see your real character.
I am not one to really worry. I truly believe the Lord is in control and He will see me through wherever my journey in life takes me. (Now if it is my child, I might not be as strong, but with me, I am pretty good at handling things.) While waiting on the second mammogram and ultrasound, I sensed that I would need the next step, but I know from countless other women, that this does not mean there is a real problem. Sure enough, the doctor came in and told me quite honestly, that he could not make a call whether what he was seeing was anything or just a false something and that he would like for me to have an MRI. I am a logical person, asked where I go for that and he gave me a list of options and said it would be best if my OB/GYN made the appointment for me. This had been going on for 17 days, so I drove straight to the gynecologist office (another friend of ours) and got the appointment made for 2 days later in Little Rock. (If I went to Little Rock, I could take a bumper my husband needed to have chromed and see my daughter too! So that was a logical place to go for a logical thinking person. ha)
Went on a Friday for the MRI expecting the results the next week but it actually took 15 days. (No one told me to take the films with me so they had to be mailed. If this ever happens to you, TAKE THE FILMS.) This is when I had time to reflect. What if the worst case scenerio happened and I had cancer. I truly didn't believe that would happen, but you have to prepare. The worst ending (in the world's eyes) would be death. Was I ready for that? Without any hesitation, I said yes. I know where I am going when I die, and I know who will be waiting for me when I get there. For a Christian, it is the ultimate reward and healing and I truly believe for a Christian, death is not a bad thing when you face it. In my heart, I knew that would not be bad at all, EXCEPT for the husband, the daughter and my 83 year old mother that I would be leaving behind. These three people depend on me for lots of things (at least I tell myself that.) That would be the hardest part because I would feel I was letting them down and not carrying my load til the end of time which should be many years from now. But I know, people die all the time and the ones left behind learn to deal with it, each in their own way. By day 13 of waiting for the MRI results, I knew deep in my heart all was clear. I had a real peace that only comes from the Lord.
The biggest blessing from this whole event, was not finding out that everything was ok and I did not have cancer. The biggest blessing was seeing that I am truly not a real worrier even in the midst of a situation like this and seeing the true peace one can have during such a time. It is a peace that only comes from truly knowing the Lord as your personal Saviour.
A quote that came across facebook today:
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." - Bernice Reagon
Have a Blessed Day!
